what to do now

Damn everything is happening so fast. This football season that seems like it just begun is in reality 3/4 over already. This was a special year though it's not gonna be the same next year. All the niggas gone so there's gonna be a huge presence missing on the field, in the locker room, and at school. All my brown brothers are still gonna be there, the sols, and all the white football heads. But it's gonna seem so quiet without all the seniors arguing in the locker room over the funniest shit. Oh well everything's gonna be different soon. I started to realize that everybody changed since 8th grade and freshman year, including myself. I feel a lot more comfortable around people and it makes it a lot easier to talk to people instead of just being quiet all the time. Which is always good though because i get to think to myself. I hella miss how everything was so easy back then though. I could just fuck up and nobody would say anything and it wouldn't matter. Now if i fuck up i'm either gonna lose my position on the team, lose a lot of people's respect, lose my parents trust, lose my friend's trust, and worst of all ruin my future. Back then if you got an F it means you get grounded for like a week until your parents forget about it because it doesn't really matter. Now if you get an F that just eliminates another set of jobs you could have and it reduces the number of colleges that accept you. People are expecting me to ride my arm or leg into a scholarship and just cruise through high school and college but its not that simple. There's too many other people that are better than me out there so luckily i have the parents that support me and i go to a school where its easy to get help and its so easy to get a good grade in a class with just a little effort. A lot of kids with the best athletic ability possible grow up in a home where the parents believe that as long as the kid's good at what he does he'll go straight to USC or Cal or something. They also go to a high school where the teachers don't actually try to prepare the students they just go through the motions because they don't think the kids give a shit and so they shouldn't either. And the kid that does care doesn't get the help he needs and he can't pass. I've been told these life lessons thousands of times by coaches who experienced all of this. So it makes me thankful to go to a school like i go to and to grow up in a place where my parents can guide me in the right direction. Even though i agree there's nothing to do in Benicia i wouldn't wanna go anywhere else nearby. what the fuck i wrote hella shit my mom just yelled at me for being up so i better go. Goodnight!